Captioning made possible by Lions Gate Entertainment
In Hollywood,
one of the fastest ways to the top
is to work for someone who's already there.
The system dictates that one must first be a slave
before you can become a success.
But this can be a very demanding process.
Only a few people have the drive
to endure the thousands of indignities and hardships
that make up the system.
Now, this drive is usually motivated by greed,
sometimes ambition,
sometimes even love.
There are stories of love inspiring success
over the most insurmountable of odds.
This is not one of those stories.
Buddy's doin' great,
and it's great to see you, Derrick.
I'll tell him he owes you a call.
Cool. Thanks.
Thanks, Derrick. Where was I?
Shelley Winters.
Buddy invites her
to do a reading for a part.
Now, Shelley Winters
has not auditioned for a part
in 15, 20 years,
but Buddy can convince a flea it needs ticks.
That's why the man is my guy.
Who's Shelley Winters?
You know, she's the actress.
Older, right?
Shelley comes rolling into the office,
plops down in a chair.
Buddy was working her, sweet-talking her.
"Got a project, new project. Wonderful project."
Shelley's not buyin' it. She's just sitting there.
Finally, she reaches into her bag,
pulls out an Oscar.
No way.
An honest-to-god Academy Award.
You're kiddin' me.
Buddy still doesn't shut up.
He's goin' on and on and on and on.
Buddy's sweet-talkin' like crazy.
Shelley, not phased,
again reaches down into her bag.
Pulls out another Oscar.
2 Oscars.
And another one.
She's got a line of them.
Buddy shut up.
The woman is surrounded by Oscars.
Dead silence.
Finally, she looks him right in the eye,
and she says...
"You know...
some people think I can act."
This coming from the future president of Keystone Pictures.
You know, I can't really picture her.
Who's Shelley Winters?
Wait. I got it. She's that actress
that does the poly-denture commercials, right?
Right, right.
And she's married to that guy who's, like,
what, 20 years younger than her?
Yeah. Right, right.
Stop it. Stop it.
That's Martha Raye, you idiots.
Shelley Winters.
Winchester '73.
A place in the sun.
Patch of blue.
Lolita.
The Poseidon adventure.
Oh! Oh!
Sure. Yeah, yeah.
I've seen that movie. Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, that was a very good film, actually.
Sorry I asked. I was curious.
I apologize.
Never apologize, Moe. It's a sign of weakness.
Holy shit. Guy, there's Foster Kane.
Introduce us! The man is my god!
Guy. They let you out of the salt mine.
To keep an eye on you, Foster.
Say hello to the boys.
Hey. How you doing?
Good to meet you.
You're the best.
How's-- how's Buddy?
Well, he's great. He's great.
I called the other day.
I haven't heard back, though.
Well, I'll tell him he owes you a call.
Ok. I appreciate that. Be seein' you again.
Foster.
Uh, very nice...
Bye-bye.
I love that guy. He's amazing.
Hey. Hey. Hey. Who was that again?
That's only the most powerful, sought-after
director in town.
What, Buddy's paging you now?
excuse me, gentlemen.
What are you doin' here?
What, are you trying to embarrass me?
No. No.
He is the prodigal son of Keystone Pictures.
He is Buddy Ackerman's boy.
He is our ticket in.
So don't blow it with your stupid questions.
Moe. Moe. What?
You're not comin' anymore.
Don't bring him anymore.
You can't come anymore.
Ok.
Yeah, what?
Dawn?
It's Guy.
Oh, h--hey.
Hi.
Listen, um...
about the other day.
Sounds like you're being summoned there.
He's been trying to reach me all night.
Forget about Buddy.
Can I come over? I--I think--
I think we really need to talk.
Not right now, ok?
Um, I--I have these scripts to read,
and I'm really busy.
Oh.
Uh... can--can we do this tomorrow?
Tomorrow.
Yeah, all right.
Talk to me.
What is it?
Nothing. I--I...
there's just something that I want to tell you,
and... uh, i--it can wait till tomorrow.
Call me in the morning, ok?
I will.
Dawn?
What?
I really am sorry.
Ok.
Yeah, what?
Uh, it's Guy. You beeped?
10 minutes ago. What took you so fuckin' long?
Ahem, well, I--I had to get to a phone...
Whatever. Anyway, is it done?
Yes. I returned every call, and I left work.
Well, that's good,
because some asshole complained to Cyrus
that I'm not returnin' my calls.
I can't afford to have that. Not now, not ever,
and certainly not when I'm about to be promoted.
Yes.
Ok. You're right.
And, uh, it won't happen again.
Christ, you're not even listening, are you?
I'll tell you, Guy,
I don't think this is working anymore.
Maybe it's time we reconsider our relationship.
Reconsider? What do you mean?
We'll talk about it in the morning.
No, wait a minute. R-reconsider what, Buddy?
What are you gonna do? You gonna fire me?
Hold on. I got another call. Hello? Hello?
It's still me. Listen,
we couldn't return a lot of calls today
'cause you've been away. Now, what do you mean--
Hold on. Shut up.
Guy, listen,
tomorrow morning, call the phone company,
because all my phones are fuckin' screwed up!
Cancel the call-waiting crap
and put in 2--
No, 4 extra lines here at the house.
After you've fixed the phones,
research who directed
the new slam-a-jam music video.
It's got this blonde.
Find out who his agent is and what he's doing next.
And then track down the blonde.
She's wearing this, um...
It's like an American flag kind of thing.
It's draped all over her, uh...
I don't know what.
Set up a meeting.
She's...
she's really...
she's patriotic.
The video was directed by a she...
What the hell?
...Tracy Janowitz. And you're a little late.
She signed a 3-picture deal with Universal.
What the hell?
And as far as the blonde...
What are you doing?
Don't you think she's a little young...
even for you?
What are you doing?
What are you doing here? Jesus Christ.
You scared the living shit out of me.
You're lucky I didn't shoot you.
With what? This?
Oh, great.
My gun. Hand it over.
Sit.
Have you gone completely insane?
Give me the gun now!
Sit the fuck down now!
Ok, look, I know things have been a little crazy
at the office lately,
but there's no need for this.
Now, why don't you put down the gun,
and let's talk?
We're both rational adults here.
Bullshit.
You are a fucking child.
All right, fine. I gave you a chance, you know.
But it's late, and I'm tired of this bullshit.
I'm calling the cops, and you're going to jail.
End of story. Have a nice life.
What do you want?
I want you...
to think...
and remember...
every insult...
every offense...
everything that you have ever taken away...
from me.
Think to yourself.
It's payback time.
It's currently 78 degrees in Hollywood,
and it's shapin' up to be a great weekend, everyone.
'Course, you gotta make it through the week first,
but if you do, you can look forward
to the third annual celebrity tractor pull
at the Pomona fairgrounds this weekend.
Tickets are--
Hi. How are you?
Fuck you. You're in my spot. Could you move?
Ok.
Sorry about that.
I didn't realize that was your spot.
I slaved 3 miserable years to get that spot.
It's mine. I earned it.
It's a great spot. As soon as I pulled in,
I thought, "wow, what a great spot."
I'm Guy, by the way.
What is this, your first day on the job or something?
Yes. Yes. As a matter of fact, it is.
Yeah, well, piece of advice.
Lose the smile.
Makes you look like a schmuck.
Hello. Buddy Ackerman's office.
Oh, uh, h-hold on one second.
Here.
Ready to go to work, I see.
Oh.
Buddy Ackerman's office.
No, Derrick, he's not here right now.
No, that's not what I said.
I said he's not here right now at this moment in time.
Mm-hmm.
Gonna miss you, too, Derrick.
Buddy Ackerman's office.
Yes, I know the meeting has started, ma'am.
I'll send him down as soon as he gets here.
Thank you.
Buddy Ackerman's-- ooh, hey, Mona.
How are you, gorgeous?
Of course you and Buddy are on for tonight.
Just get your cute little butt over to his place by midnight.
Bye.
So I don't know what you've heard about this job,
but it's gonna be a lot of work for shit wages.
A lot of shit work for shit wages.
Picking up dry-cleaning,
gassing up his car,
getting him coffee, getting him lunch,
and getting him laid.
And he can be, well...
difficult.
In there. Difficult at times.
After all, Buddy is the senior executive
vice president of production
for Keystone.
Only 2 people bigger than that.
Stella Smiley,
President at World-wide Production...
for now.
She doesn't like us.
Let me write this down.
But that's ok-- excuse me.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Because above her is Cyrus Miles...
studio chairman and grand poobah.
We call him god.
And he does like us.
That thing is gonna be
the second most important thing in your life.
I pity the day it breaks down on you.
Ah.
Oh.
Whew.
Guy, if you do this job well,
wealth and opportunity are yours.
All of Buddy's assistants
have gone on to bigger and better things.
One is running the Sony Channel.
Another one has produced
all the Macaulay Culkin action pictures.
Wow.
It's a good lineage. A legacy.
Fantastic.
If you don't mind me asking, where are you going?
Vice President of production at Paramount.
Like I said, it is a good lineage.
This is the most important thing in your life.
It works very simple.
Steady green light-- the line is active.
If it's off, it's dead.
Flashing red-- someone's holding.
Flashing green-- incoming.
Flashing green. Incoming. Yes.
Ok.
Don't worry,
You'll do all right, farm boy.
Actually...uh...
I'm from upstate New York.
There are farms around...
in the area.
Good morning, Mr. Ackerman.
Hello. Buddy Ackerman's office.
I'm from a more urban area.
Guy?
So glad to see you here.
I cannot tell you how grateful I am
that you could start right away.
It'll be nice to finally get some real help around here
and get rid of this mongoloid
so he'll stop screwing me up
and fuck the competition for a change, huh?
Our gain is their loss.
What?
Stella's on line 1, Nom's on 2,
and they called from the stage.
They want to raise the volume on the final mix.
You get me Rob on the phone.
He's on 3.
Well, I'll take him. You tell Stella to hold.
Take my Mom, and when you're done with her,
west lobby, tube dress, stiletto heels. Hurry.
Fetch.
Come on, Guy. You're in for a treat.
Hi, Stella. Yeah, he'll be right down.
Yo, Rob, listen, I ran the rough cut last night,
and the mix is still way too goddamned low.
I told you you gotta bring up the explosions.
They gotta be loud, loud, loud!
The audience should feel their balls tremble.
Their ears should bleed!
So I don't care if God told you to keep it down,
much less Stella.
What do you mean, it can't be done?
Que pasa this "can't be done"?
All right, Rob, shut up for a second.
Just listen.
All right, let's try something easier.
Repeat this:
"Would you like that in a pump or a loafer?"
No, Rob, just say it with me.
Come on, just humor me. Just say it once.
Just...
"Would you like that...
"in a pump...
or a loafer?"
Good. Now memorize it, because as of tomorrow,
the only job you're going to be able to get
is selling shoes!
Well, I--I, uh--ahem.
Shh, shh, shh.
Rob's calling again on line one.
Yo, Rob, look, I'm busy now.
I can't really--
well, I'm glad you see it my way...
Now.
Hey, look, we all have our misunderstandings.
Just get it done.
Where's Stella, and what's my schedule?
She hung up, and they want you
down in the staff meeting right away.
They start yet?
No. They've been waiting for you for about 15 minutes.
Good.
Let me tell you something, Guy, and learn from this--
if they can't start a meeting without you,
well, that's a meeting worth going to, isn't it?
And that's the only kind of meeting
you should ever concern yourselves with.
File this!
What's next?
Her name is Mitzy.
Mitzy.
I like that.
Ok, let's do it.
Mitzy. Hi.
Buddy Ackerman, senior executive
vice president of production.
I couldn't help it. I saw you
in the lobby on my way in.
I'm on my way to an important meeting,
and...I can just tell
that there are enormous opportunities
for the both of us,
and I will pull myself out of this meeting
if you can bear just waiting 10 minutes.
Because I would love it if you and I can just...
sit and chat.
Would that be possible?
Oh, that's great.
Now, if you need anything,
you just ask these 2 boys here. Ok?
Keep her happy. All right?
Why don't you just go sit down,
and I'll be right back.
Where's my fuckin' coffee?
Oh, coffee. Coffee, Coffee. Coffee.
Buddy Ackerman's office.
Can you please hold?
Cream, sugar. Sweet'n low.
Swee...
guy: sweet'n low, sweet'n low.
Come on, people!
I'm late for a meeting here!
Let's go, go, go, go, go, go!
Excuse me. What is this?
Sweet'n low?
No.
This is not sweet'n low.
This is equal. Blue packet.
Sweet'n low is pink.
See?
Equal--blue. Sweet'n low--pink.
It's not the same thing, is it?
Uh, well, I...
I think they both contain the same--
What equal contains is not my concern here.
I don't care if it has fucking fairy dust in it.
What I am concerned with is detail.
I asked you to go get me a packet of sweet'n low,
that isn't what I asked for, that isn't what I wanted,
that isn't what I needed, and that shit
isn't gonna work around here.
I--I just thought...
You thought.
Do me a fucking favor.
Shut up, listen, and learn.
Look, I know that this is your first day
and you don't really know how things work around here,
so I will tell you.
You...
have...
no...
brain.
No judgment calls are necessary.
What you think means nothing.
What you feel means nothing.
You are here for me.
You are here to protect my interests
and to serve my needs.
So while it may look like a little thing to you...
when I ask for a packet of sweet'n low...
that's what I want.
And it is your responsibility now
to see that I get what I want.
Am I clear?
Y-yes, sir.
I'm not trying to be cruel. I'm just trying to help.
Because if you do this job right,
if you listen and learn,
then you're gonna be able to do
anything you want in this town.
You can have whatever you want.
I mean, look at Rex here. A V.P. at Paramount. Ha!
"Rex." What a name. Belongs to a mutt.
I mean, if I can get dog boy here a job,
you're gonna do just fine.
I fucked up.
I fuck--fuck!
It's over.
Relax.
He does that a lot.
Tomorrow, he'll ask you for an equal.
You can't win.
It's a lose-lose situation.
Well, does it still happen to you?
Daily.
Actually, hourly.
Look...every day
is something completely different.
Nothing is ever the same.
What he wants, what he needs
can change in a second.
The trick is to have everything ready.
Anticipate.
Next time, bring back an equal and a sweet'n low.
Remember, protect his interests
and serve his needs.
Come on. Say it with me.
Protect his interests and serve his needs.
Ok, but that's crazy.
That's no way to run a business.
Uh-uh.
First mistake.
This is not a business.
No rules here.
This ain't that candy-striped crap
for the Wall Street wimps, huh?
This is...
show business.
Punching below the belt is not only all right...
it is rewarded.
So in this, this business of show,
you gotta ask yourself...
What is it
that is gonna make them sit up
and take notice of you?
Work really, really hard.
Don't worry, farm boy.
You'll learn.
Have a cigarette.
I--I don't smoke.
It won't last.
This and that pot of coffee are gonna be
your best friends for the next year.
Get to know them.
Come on. Roll up your sleeves.
We got work to do.
Ok. Let's do it. Hmm?
What do you want?
You are in big trouble.
Start making funeral arrangements,
because you are dead in this town.
I am not kidding you.
Apologize.
Excuse me? What?
Ow! Ow!
Ow! My hair!
I want you to apologize!
For what!
Oh! Ohhh...
Apologize.
Fuck you.
Oh! You...
Fu--
Ooh!
Buddy Ackerman's office.
Um...I d--I don't have that information,
but, I--look... Let me ask him,
and I'll have him call you-- I'll call you back.
Bye.
Buddy Ackerman's office.
Hank.
Wh--ok, listen.
Is there any way you can have that delivered
by the end of the day?
Oh, great, great.
Great. I appreciate it.
Thank you. Bye.
Buddy Ackerman's office.
Pick up the phone, pick up the phone!
Pick up, pick up, pick up!
It is in your job description.
Sorry. The phone's been goin' crazy here.
I don't care.
If I get that answering machine one more time, I draw blood!
All right. Today's schedule. Do it.
Ok. You have a p�tch at 10:30.
No, no, no, no!
How many times have I told you?
No pitches before 11:00!
We've got too much to do.
I got calls to return. Cancel whoever it is.
It's with Dawn Lockard.
Oh.
Well, ok.
Um, tell her I'll be a little late,
and, uh, get me Stella.
Patch her through to me right away. All right?
All right.
Buddy Ackerman calling.
Yes, I'd--
Hi. I'm here to see Buddy.
I'm Dawn Lockard. I'm the producer on...
the lot.
Hi.
Well, Buddy's running a little late,
so, uh...
just have a seat.
Uh, y-yes. Fine.
Yes. I'll tell him.
Buddy Ackerman's office.
Yeah. What happened?
Uh, Stella's office just called.
Uh, she's gonna be unreachable till Monday.
What do you mean, unreachable?
Well, evidently, she's white water rafting
in Colorado with Tom Cruise.
Yeah? So? Track her down.
Find out where she's staying.
Uh, well, she's rafting.
Well, she's unreachable.
Uh-huh.
I don't see the problem.
She's...rafting... on the water.
I--I...
I don't imagine they have phones there.
They have helicopters, don't they?
Y-yes. I...
I--I suppose they do.
You suppose? Listen, you little twerp,
I can't spend my day
telling you how to do your job!
Is he in one of his moods?
Yeah.
It's not brain surgery, you know? Get me Stella.
And you come back with "she's unreachable"?
I don't ever wanna hear that word again.
Get outta my way!
Shut up, listen, learn!
There is no such word as "unreachable" for this office.
Find her. get her.
I wanna talk to her by lunch.
- If she's not on the phone- - Out! Out!
Who do you work for?!
If she's not on the phone by the time I get back...
Listen, about that parking spot thing--
Had I known that you work for Buddy,
I certainly would have let you...
No. Don't worry about it. Really.
No. I'm just saying you get enough shit from him.
You don't need it from me.
Believe me, I can handle Buddy.
"Unreachable" may work for other hacks out there,
but not here!
Dawn, excuse me.
I just need to, um, yell at my mongoloid
brain-dead assistant for a second.
Get in here!
If you ever use the fucking word
"unreachable" in my office again,
I swear to god
I will send you goddamn through the lobby
in a mail chute.
Don't ever do it again. You understand?
Now, give me my phone.
If my car phone isn't put in my car by 4:00,
you are a dead person.
I already did it.
Dawn, gorgeous.
It's been too long.
Get your cute little butt in here.
Guy, hold all my calls.
Ok, ok.
Dawn, I just don't think that this pony
is gonna win, place, or show.
I mean-- even the title,
real life-- it's a real pass.
You need this film, Buddy.
It's an important film for the 18-to-25ers.
It's a redeeming film.
Uou cannot keep dissing what they want to see.
Oh, really? How about that, Guy?
You're of that age. You--you feel dissed?
Well, uh, yeah. Yeah, sure.
Uh...disillusioned,
dismayed...
disposable.
Yeah, thanks, and this is too dark, depressing,
and dull. It's not what people want to see.
And I suppose that pumped-up,
overadrenalized,
male macho bullshit is.
Excuse me. My male macho bullshit just broke 180 mil.
The last important film this studio made peaked at 18.
The one before that didn't even break double digits.
Dawn, forget about this lost artsy generation crap.
You've been away from me too long.
Come back tomyteam,
and we can make some real movies.
Or I could just go to Stella with it.
She is, after all, president of production.
Am I right?
Mm-hmm, for now. Who called?
Oh, um...
ahem, ok...
uh...
Mitch and Cyrus.
Cyrus, and you didn't put him through?
You--you said hold all your calls.
Fine. Who else?
Uh...uh, Derek, Mitzi, and Stella returns.
Stella?
Stella?!
You--you said to hold all your calls.
I didn't know.
You didn't know? You didn't hear me
when I said "very important" this morning?
What good are you? Do you have a brain?
Do you want to keep this job?
Shut up, listen, learn!
Fuck your disappointment!
Fuck your disillusionment!
And fuck you! Fuck you!
You are a worthless, fuckin'--
well, isn't this turning into an intelligent conversation?
Loud and nasty.
That's the only way it sticks, Dawn.
You did say "hold all my calls," Buddy.
And I certainly hope you wouldn't want anyone
to intrude on our time together.
Mm-hmm.
Find Cyrus, find Stella.
Get them on the phone. If they aren't on the line
by the time I get back, you'd better not be here either.
I'll get back to you about this.
Let me think about it,
and, um... let's get together soon.
Buddy Ackerman's office calling.
As I was saying--
about that little misunderstanding,
why don't you let me make it up to you?
How about lunch?
Thank you, but I--I really ca--I can't.
Look, I'm gonna be real blunt here.
As much as I hate it, I need buddy.
I need my calls to find their way
onto his phone sheet. I need my scripts
to go home with him on the weekends.
In short, I need you on my side.
See what I'm saying?
I don't want to be put on hold
over a parking spot,
so why don't we just try this again?
Hey, how about lunch?
Well...
I'm not allowed to take lunch.
Um...Buddy...doesn't believe in it.
Fine. Drinks it is. Here's my card.
Call me when you're done tonight. All right?
Tonight?
That's all right with you, isn't it?
Oh, yeah.
It just seems that a woman as powerful and as attractive
and as pleasant-natured as yourself
would be booked up for tonight.
Well, guess what. I am now.
You know what? Piece of advice.
You should talk to him about the yelling.
'Cause it really kind of makes you look
like a schmuck.
Yeah, some tip. You ought to be shot
for scaring me that early in the morning.
The change Stella wants-- it's not me,
although I'm sure she would like it to be.
Yeah, well, your sources suck.
Anyway, it turns out
that Cyrus' teenage grandson was whining
about how all of today's films are made for adults,
how there's nothing for him and his friends.
So the old man bitched and moaned to Stella,
and now we gotta go out
and find the next hippest, hottest thing,
you know, something for the kids. Isn't that great?
You got anything?
Great. Send it to me. All right. Bye-bye.
Yeah, what?
Well, I wanted to talk to you about the phone calls.
No apology necessary.
Everyone's allowed at least one mistake.
You've used up yours. Let's not dwell on it.
Well, that's just it. See, I...
I don't feel that I made a mistake,
and...
Well, I would appreciate it if you didn't yell at me
in front of the entire office.
Excuse me. What?
Uh...the--the yelling.
Uh...
Oh.
You...disapprove.
I'm sorry.
Did I...
did I hurt your feelings?
No. No, no.
Uh...I...
I just don't feel that it's necessary.
It certainly doesn't help me, and I think that--
well, I'm glad you brought this up.
Great. Great.
'Cause I've found that an office can't run...
properly if the lines of communication aren't open.
Right, right, yes.
So, in that case...
let's make a few things clear.
Ok, great, great. No, this--this is helpful.
I mean...
let's review.
What did I tell you the first day?
Your thoughts are nothing.
You are nothing.
And yet you have the nerve
to walk into my office
and tell me-- I--
Please shut up.
At least allow me the courtesy
of finishing what I have to say.
That's the very least that you can do
after I've had to endure your insults.
This is a bad time.
Who do you think you are, you snot-faced little punk?
Let me make this clear for you, ok?!
And now try to follow me,
because I'm gonna be moving
in a kind of circular motion,
so if you pay attention, there will be a point!
You are nothing!
If you were in my toilet bowl,
I wouldn't bother flushing it.
My bath mat means more to me than you.
You see this?
This means more to the office than you.
And yet do you hear any complaints
when I do this?
These pencils, more important!
These pens, more important!
These paper clips, more important!
You miserable little crybaby!
You don't like it here, leave!
There are thousands of people
who would kill for your spot!
Who would kill for the opportunity to be here!
I could spit and hit somebody
who could do this job better than you!
This is the fast track to the top, boy.
I don't see you breaking any speed records!
Why can't you show a little backbone, huh? Huh?
"I don't think the yelling is necessary."
You gotta be a little more thick-skinned, you turd.
You gotta be a man to do this job!
"Talk to him about the yelling."
Thanks. That was a good tip.
You gotta give action to get action.
So, Guy, what's your story?
Is your uncle Bob in the business?
Or are you just another boy out for quick cash,
quick cars, and an easy lay?
You hate me. Is that it?
Y-you really hate me.
No, I'm just feeling extra charitable.
So, talk. Amuse me. What's your story?
I'm a recent film school graduate
with fairly disappointed middle-class parents,
uh...who had hoped their--their son
would have been anything but a writer.
Oh, you're a writer? Really?
Yeah.
Why, then, pray tell,
are you fetching coffee for Buddy Ackerman?
Fetching? I'm...
I'm not fetching.
He--he's one of the top studio executives in the business.
I'm his--his assistant.
So, basically, you're substituting talent
with liberal amounts of ass kissing, right?
Ok.
Well...
I've taken just about enough
character assassination for one day. Yhank you for--
Would you please sit down?
Sit.
Look, if this time can be spent convincing you
to do anything else with your life,
to getting out while you are still whole,
it is time well spent.
Let me ask you a question.
Why do you want this?
I don't know. It's just something
that I have always wanted to do.
Oh, bullshit. Is it the money?
There are easier ways to get rich. girls?
Hey, I'll float you a bill
and give you a number to call right now.
Why the movies?
Do you really want to know?
I really want to know.
Are you gonna form some conclusion?
No, I really want to know.
Do you really want to know?
I want to know.
Well, fine. Memories.
Memories?
Yes. All my favorite memories have been of movies.
For instance, my first...job.
Summer of '88, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.
My first car, the summer that rancho del rio opened.
A fine Buddy Ackerman film, I might add.
What about your first kiss?
Uh...
Summer of 1979.
The fish that Saved Pittsburgh.
What was her name?
I don't remember.
But Gabe Kaplan's hair in that movie was amazing.
The only white man I've ever seen with an Afro.
Wow. A smile.
Maybe you don't hate me.
Wow.
Get over yourself.
Let me give you a piece of advice here.
If you want to make it in this business,
you don't have room for a personal life,
much less a relationship.
Absolutely no relationships, no.
Absolutely no relationships.
Hi. This is Guy.
Leave me a message.
Michelle, stop it. I'm on the phone.
All right? I'll be right there.
Guy, hey, I just wanted to call
and say I think today's talk was very helpful,
at least for me, which is great,
Especially at this critical juncture in our relationship.
Good thinking.
Anyway, tomorrow morning on your way in
I need you to stop off
and pick up a prescription for me.
It's some pretty sensitive stuff, so keep it quiet.
Try not to screw up. It's a top priority.
Don't fail me.
Sorry, Dawn. I had to take that.
So, dinner tonight.
Ok.
Your place?
You're happy!
I hate that.
Get me packed up now. I need to get to services.
I gotta go.
What services? Who died?
No one...yet.
It's Yom Kippur, you idiot.
Oh. I--I didn't realize Ackerman was a jewish name.
It's jewish enough,
especially when the big players are involved.
Besides, I feel a sudden need to atone for my sins.
Marie call?
Marie? Uh, yes, she did.
She'll be at your place at midnight.
Great, great.
Buddy.
Yeah.
I wanted to talk to you about Dawn's project.
Oh, yeah, she's got a great one,
doesn't she?
Yeah. Yeah.
No, a-actually I w-- I wanted to talk to you
about Dawn's project real life.
Now...I think it has a lot of potential. I really do.
It's young, it's--it's hot.
And it could be exactly what Cyrus is looking for,
and I was thinking we get somebody really big to direct,
maybe...Penny Marshall.
What?! Shut up, listen, and learn!
Avoid women directors. They ovulate.
Do you have any idea what that does
to a 3-month shoot?
I mean, do I need to say more? Next?
Ok, uh, well, what about Altman? Altman could do it.
Altman? that hack couldn't direct his way
out of a paper bag.
You want to talk big directors,
think Attenborough, think Spielberg,
think Lean.
Lean's dead.
No, he's not.
Don't you ever say that.
He's just...unavailable.
Did you get the stuff?
Oh, yes, the stuff.
I put it in the cabinet under the sink.
It's in a brown paper bag.
No, no, no, no, no, it doesn't belong there.
No, no, no.
Great. Great. File this.
Rogaine.
But you're not losing your hair.
Exactly. Anticipate.
All right, listen, about Dawn's project--
it's not a movie, it--it's a cause.
Even the title, real life?
All those speeches and pronouncements.
That is not what people want to see,
much less pay to see. don't ever forget--
we are in the business of developing
people's dreams, not damning them.
Besides, Cyrus has already found the next new thing,
this young hot director, this fuckin' Foster Kane.
Picture did very well at the box office last weekend,
and Stella's already wooed him.
She's got him, not us. We're fucked. We're fucked!
Well, uh, y-you still got that article in time.
What article?
It's that article on--on-- on violence in--in cinema.
It calls you "the king of wham-bam action."
Yeah, right here.
Why does nobody tell me these things?
I put it on your desk this morning.
Who gave them this picture?
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Where do they get these lies?
Listen to this crap.
I'm "a blight on society"?
This has got Stella written all over it.
These are her fingerprints.
Fine. That bitch wants a war, she'll get one.
Tomorrow morning,
fire the fuckin' publicity department.
You got plans tonight? Uh...
Cancel 'em.
I'm sorry, Buddy, I can't. I--I h--
not for nothin', Guy.
You want to make Dawn's project fly?
Go ahead, put it together.
Let's see what you can do.
Really?
Yeah. But first we need to bury this article.
This kid reads I'm "a blight on society,"
Forget it, forget you, forget me,
forget the expense account.
We're out, out, out!
You need to find every copy in town
and destroy it.
Every copy?
Yeah. Every copy. Find it, bury it.
But it...it's time magazine.
It'd be probably hard to get every copy.
Yeah? So?
Find a way. Do it. Figure it out.
My briefcase, you idiot!
I'm sorry.
It's all in there.
Jesus Christ.
Dawn, I'm--I'm sorry, but I--
of course I want to be there, but I can't.
I have to work.
Please...try to understand.
I have to go. I have another call.
Buddy Ackerman's office.
Oh, good. You're still there. Listen.
You gotta stick around and tape this interview
with Foster Kane tonight.
It's on CNN, 11:00.
It's very, very important.
We have gotta find a project for this kid.
You got it?
Hello.
I got it.
Great. Now, did you get rid of all the articles?
I'm just throwin' out the last copies now.
No, no, no. You can't just throw them out.
You have to destroy them.
Rip them up, every copy.
Well...
It's just that it's gettin' kind of late.
I know, I know. things are rough now,
But they'll get better. I promise, Guy.
If you prove you can manage these tasks,
if you work hard now, then you're rewarded.
You get to have some fun,
because don't ever forget,
this job is very big on payback.
God, what do you want?
You sick, twisted fuck,
why are you doing this?
This is so cool.
I saw this in a movie once.
Matter of fact, it was one of yours, I think.
This isn't gonna fix things.
This isn't gonna help any of your problems.
You're right.
But it makes me feel so much better.
Is this good?
This ought to loosen up the chicks, right?
Let me ask your opinion.
What is the best gettin'-laid music?
I mean...I mean, the Carpenters
and that kind of stuff, just, it--
it just puts 'em right to sleep. You know.
Well, let's--let's-- let's just suppose.
Let's suppose somebody were to come over here tonight.
Just suppose.
Am I boring you?
I'm sorry.
What was it you... you said about me once?
"The personality of a roof shingle"?
Ha ha ha! Oh, that was good.
That was funny.
Everybody laughed.
Ohh...well...
I don't want to bore you,
so let's get back to work.
Ahh, gotta be one in here somewhere.
Every kitchen drawer has one.
You know, it's funny.
I only dreamt about doing these things
all those lonely nights in the office,
all those weekends,
playing out all these torture scenarios in my head.
Thinking about it again...and again.
You can't imagine what I've come up with.
Whatever you're thinking of doing...
please don't.
Shh.
Paper cuts.
Now, they can be a bitch.
Occupational hazard, I guess.
But I'll bet it's been a while since you've had one, huh?
Me?
I'm startin' to get used to 'em.
Ohh!
God.
Stings, doesn't it?
Well...
like I said, you'll get used to 'em.
Now, the ones that I could never handle...
Say "ahh."
Come on, don't!
You're only gonna make it harder on yourself.
Forget about the shitty mint flavor on these things.
The real pain in the ass is when you get a paper cut...
on your tongue.
No.
Aah!
Buddy Ackerman's office.
Hello, Mishka.
No, he's not in.
Mishka, Buddy is devoted to only you.
Well, I'll tell you what you do.
Get your cute little butt over to his house by midnight.
Ok.
Bye-bye.
This could be the biggest picture of the year--
real life, directed by Foster Kane.
I like it. It smells of money.
It was a great idea, bringing Dawn and Foster together.
I would have never thought of that. I gotta admit,
you may not be a complete idiot after all. Ha ha!
Your ideas here aren't half bad,
but I hate the title, I hate the ending.
It's too depressing.
You think we're gonna be ready for Cyrus by next week?
Cyrus? Uh, well...
don't you think we ought to wait
for Stella to get back?
Stella? Fuck her! Listen.
We take this to Stella,
she's just gonna take credit for all your work,
for all of our work. No. Fuck her.
It's kill or have your contract terminated early. No, no.
We need to go directly to the top.
We need to go to Cyrus.
But hold on a second.
Dawn's bringing the project to Stella.
Remember, you passed.
You like Dawn, don't you?
You consummate the relationship?
Dawn? Well...I mean, Dawn and I--
I don't give a fuck. Listen, I'm just sayin'--
Shut up and listen.
Women...
they respond to one thing and one thing only:
Success. Now, this isn't just me talking.
This is scien-- Sit down.
This is scientific fact.
It is primitive instinct
for a woman like Dawn to choose a mate
who can best provide for her needs,
for her wants. Now, it's no offense to you,
but...you are only an assistant.
Sure, I mean, you're my assistant,
but, you know, nonetheless...
an assistant.
Dawn, on the other hand, is a...
is a producer.
Her car phone bills are more than your rent.
So just how long do you think you're going to last?
D-Dawn and I, we--we--
All right, I want to help out.
Because if you put this project together,
you're not going to be just the assistant any longer.
So...
I'm gonna give you the chance...to play hero.
You...get to be
Dawn's white knight
in shining armor.
You.
You have to convince Dawn
to bring the project back to me.
Not to Stella.
To me.
Now, I could do it,
but there'd be no payoff for you.
I just don't know how I would--
You do this thing...
you convince Dawn to go this way...
and then you and I...
are going to run this place.
The both of us.
All right.
I--I'll do it.
He said I was indispensable.
Look.
He gave me a beeper.
I think he--he's beginning to respect me.
I think he's really beginning to respect me.
Oh, God. Please wake up.
He's just got you on a shorter leash,
that's all.
Oh, you're doing it all wrong. Move.
So...
Let me guess.
He gave you that team horseshit, right?
"Win one for us, you and me."
Exactly what is it that we are supposed to do?
Not much.
To find a new title, new ending...
you have to cancel your meeting with Stella.
Unbelievable. Un-fucking-believable.
Listen, all Stella wants to do
is take credit for your work.
Now, I already convinced Buddy
to go directly to Cyrus.
Now, he can't do that
if you pitch it to Stella.
I don't want to jeopardize
your relationship with Stella.
I'm sorry, but this is the only way--
Stop. Do not apologize.
It's a sign of weakness.
Move.
Don't tell me what needs to be done, Guy.
I know the drill...
the politicking, the compromises...
the spilling of coffee on ourselves
in the race to kiss ass.
Oh. Actually, Buddy did that.
I let--I let his coffee get cold, and he threw it at me.
But I learned a valuable lesson--
Never let Buddy's coffee get cold.
And...this?
It's a bagel stain.
Bagel stain?
Yeah. Well, I put too much cream cheese on his bagel,
so he threw it at me.
But, again, I learned a very valuable lesson--
Never put too much cream cheese on Buddy's bagels.
Yeah. He really respects you.
I think we should wait.
I will wait,
and I want to go to Stella.
No. Bu--Buddy wants to do this now.
Look, if this picture is big,
we'll--we'll go make our own movies. We'll--
we just have to deal with Buddy on this one.
Do you hate me?
Is that it? I mean...
You do. You do. You hate me.
Oh, God. I don't hate you.
I just...
want you to make the right choice.
I say we go with Buddy.
Ok...
but know this...
I have seen what he can do.
You cannot get into bed with him
without getting fucked.
He plays a zero-sum game.
That's his drill.
Nobody wins unless somebody loses.
Yeah, well...
As long as I don't lose you.
Loss.
They say that real pain...
real suffering...
is caused from loss.
Loss of family...
and loss of love.
Loss of the things that matter most.
I like it.
It's a little different look for you, but I like.
Ok.
Now...
let's forget all the other shit
we've been doing here tonight, ok?
Let's--let's start thinking big...
uh, grand...
abbondante, if you will.
I'll be right back.
Don't go anywhere.
?? Ta-da ??
So?
What do you think?
That's it?
That's all? Come on!
Look at yourself.
Look at your face.
Look at your precious hair.
I mean...
There's no way that Rogaine's
gonna help you out of this one, my friend,
I'm tellin' you.
You are fucked up.
Fine.
You want to go back to the hot sauce,
that's fine by me.
7 years.
What?
The mirror.
7 years of bad luck.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Shut up.
Shut up!
I said, shut up!
Oh...that's brilliant.
That's fuckin' brilliant.
Ha ha ha!
This is genius, sheer fucking genius.
This is great work, Guy.
Thanks. Well, you said you needed an ending.
And to set it in a laundromat.
It's perfect. It's real. It's believable.
Right, right, right. And-- and what's more romantic
than a woman scrubbing your shorts, right?
Oh, that's great.
Oh, really, good work.
Really? Well--no, thank you very much.
We have a go movie.
Cyrus is gonna green-light this right away.
I'm gonna show him these notes.
He is gonna love it.
It's "Say good-bye, Stella"
and "hello, Buddy and Guy."
To hell with that. Don't worry about that.
It's minor details.
He's gonna be too excited about content
to worry about spelling. Congratulations.
You did it.
I am not gonna forget this.
Get ready to meet the chairman of the board.
I'm gonna tell Cyrus about you.
You earned it. You deserve it.
Oh, shit.
I left my belt at Marnie's last night.
I can't see Cyrus like this.
Oh.
Buddy Ackerman's office.
Dawn.
Buddy loved the notes.
Yeah. He's in a meeting with Cyrus right now.
Yeah, Cyrus.
Cyrus.
They're coming down the hall right now.
Let me call you back.
I'll call you back.
Let's face it, guys.
than a girl scrubbing a guy's underwear.
You know what I mean?
You think the kids are gonna respond to this?
Oh, absolutely.
Cyrus, it speaks to their generation,
a generation that's been dissed,
disillusioned, disappointed, dismayed.
Right, Foster?
That sums it up perfectly.
Well, good.
You can never tell with you kids these days.
Let me just grab this, and then we'll go eat.
Uh-huh.
Now, look, you just gotta fix these spelling errors.
Oh, I'm sorry. I should have checked it first.
I just had Guy type it up for me.
But you know what? I was just too damn excited.
Can you blame me?
Oh, no. I admire that kind of enthusiasm.
This is a great project.
Buddy, I'm not gonna forget who brought it to me.
You keep this up...
I'm gonna have to make you president of production.
Me? Naw, I just want to hit a home run for the team.
You all right, man. Let's get somethin' to eat.
Yeah. I'm hungry.
Oh, yeah.
Buddy Ackerman's office calling...
No, man, listen to me.
I'm tellin' you, I'm not gonna let that one issue
be a fuckin' deal-breaker on this.
It's im-- it's impossible, since--
No way.
Well, you go back, and you make a counteroffer--
Where the fuck are you goin'?
I was goin' to the bathroom.
I--I need to go.
Well, forget about what you need
and concentrate on what I need.
I need you here.
Get me on another fuckin' call.
Shut up for a second. Listen to me, all right?
I'm tellin' you, I don't care what Stella said.
You...close the deal.
We're gonna lose the kid. All right? Get back to me.
This is Buddy Ackerman's office calling.
Fine. I'll have him get back to you.
Buddy Ackerman's office calling.
Uh, fine. Yes. We'll hold.
But please get him.
Water?
Uh, this is Buddy Ackerman's office calling.
I don't want any water.
Buddy Ackerman's office calling.
Thank you.
Leave word.
Buddy Ackerman's office calling.
Fine. Please. Well, leave word.
Yes. We'll call back.
Arrrghh.
Wyoming.
What? Oh, you goin' western now?
Forget about Montana.
Wyoming is--is...
it's clean. It's--it's pure.
We'll--we'll never leave except if you need something.
We'll only go into town if we need something.
We? Aw.
Yeah. You're gonna want to come, aren't you?
Mm-hmm.
I could write.
No more sucking up to these...
egotistical idiots.
No more politicking.
No more bad scripts.
Most of all...
no more Buddy Ackerman.
Hi. This is Guy. Leave me a message.
Guy, pick up the phone.
I know you're there. Come on.
Pick up. Pick up. Pick up. Pick up.
Hello.
Hey. How ya doin'?
Uh, I'm fine. I'm here with--
Great. That's great.
All right, let's do it.
Script status.
The new draft's in. Notes by Monday.
That's great. And the deal?
Signed and delivered Friday night.
Ha ha!
Any new, uh--
No. No new hair products this week.
All right. Ok.
No, that's great. No, no. Great.
Um...
?? give me Mindy's number ??
Weekend's almost over, everyone,
so enjoy it while you can.
We're gonna continue on with the Sunday Marathon,
nonstop, commercial-free...
I don't have it with me. It's at the office.
Jesus Christ. You can't do anything right.
You know I was seeing her tonight.
How many times have I told you,
"Your head has gotta be a rolodex,
or your ass is gonna be on the line"?
I know, I know, I know. You're right.
Now, get down to the office and get me her number.
Sss...
Come on.
I have to go to the office.
You were just there.
I know. It'll just take me a minute.
I gotta get a phone number.
For what? One of Buddy's bimbs?
Just try to understand, ok?
I--I have to do this.
No, you don't!
You have played the doddering houseboy long enough.
I know, I know, but I made a commitment.
Oh, and you think that means something to him?
You don't have to leave. I'm coming right back.
Look, do me a favor.
The next time Buddy calls,
just say to him, "I don't care."
No, really. Try it. Say it with me.
"I don't care, Buddy."
Come on.
You really can't do it, can you?
Wyoming, my ass.
You know, when you figure out what it is you really want,
why don't you give me a call?
You.
What?
You are the only thing...
in my miserable, shitty, little existence
that I have to look forward to.
You're the only real thing that I have left.
Then say it.
Say you don't care. Come on, say it.
Fine. Leave. Your project's set up.
You don't need me anymore.
You got what you wanted, and I got laid.
"Gotta give action to get action."
Yeah, that's it.
That's it exactly.
Congratulations, Guy. You just graduated.
You're gonna make a killing in this business.
Protect my interests,
serve my needs.
Christ, you're dense.
No wonder your wife left you.
That's another thing.
All--all this time that I've worked for you,
I still don't know a thing about your ex-wife.
Jesus, not a trace.
Not even a picture in the whole house of her.
What... was she beautiful?
Yes.
Did you love her?
Yes.
Oh.
Well, how nice.
When's she comin' home?
Mmm. I forgot.
She left ya. Ha ha ha ha.
What do you want?
What do I want? What do I want?
Well...
Tell me a story.
Tell me about a young Buddy in love
with a woman who just didn't want him.
Was it a painful separation?
Did you-- did you find her
in the passionate throes of a secret lover, hmm?
Did she take you for everything you had,
or did the lousy bitch only get half?
She died.
Oh. Is that all? Ha ha.
Well, boo hoo.
What a line.
"My wife died.
"Can you come home with me?
Hold me. Love me. Fuck me." Christ.
God. You are such an asshole.
Christmas Eve, 12 years ago.
She was on her way to the mall.
I was supposed to have gone with her.
We hadn't started our christmas shopping yet.
But it was gonna be simple.
Just some stuff for our parents.
Money was tight, and...
shopping was a hassle anyway.
We even promised
not to give each other gifts.
On the way, there was a...
car that had broken down,
so mallory pulled over to help.
I always told her she was such a busybody,
but she just called it being nice.
She got out and...
asked if everything was all right
or something stupid.
Anyway, it was a scam--
bunch of punk kids stealing cars.
They shot her.
I was stuck at the office
wrapping christmas gifts for my boss.
Lot of gifts. We had a good year that year.
I was there until 3 A.M.
And the whole time, I'm thinking to myself,
"oh, boy...
"she is gonna be pissed.
When I get home, I am a dead man."
Anyway, I got home,
got the message,
went down to the hospital to identify her.
It was a whole week into the new year
before I found them,
these stupid wind-up toys and a note.
"In the constant rat race of life,
don't ever forget to unwind."
She was never really any good at writing notes.
I didn't know.
Oh, "I didn't know." Imagine that.
Boy genius here didn't know something.
Hey, look...
that is no excuse for your behavior.
You think you know it all, don't you?
You're 25 years old. You're a baby.
You don't know shit.
Look, I know what's fair, ok?
I know what's right.
Look, I can appreciate this.
I was young, too. I felt just like you.
Hated authority, hated all my bosses,
thought they were full of shit.
Look, it's like they say--
if you're not a rebel by the age of 20,
but if you haven't turned establishment by 30,
you got no brains...
because there are no storybook romances,
no fairy tale endings.
So before you run out and change the world,
ask yourself...
What do you really want?
?? When the plane lands ??
?? And the cracks ??
?? Give in the land ??
?? And the rocks turn ??
?? Into sand ??
Hank...
What happened to that delivery?
Uh-huh.
Ooh.
Stop it, Hank.
That's not what I asked for.
Mm-hmm.
Look, I don't care if God himself
came down and destroyed the messenger van.
What I care about is detail.
8:30 is not the same as 8:00.
Hank, shut up,
listen, and learn.
When I ask for something to be delivered at 8:00,
I expect it at 8:00.
I want it at 8:00,
not 8:30.
So the next time I ask
for something to be delivered at 8:00,
get it there.
Good morning.
What's going on?
There was just a little mix-up in the mail room.
Cyrus' birthday gift is on its way.
The phone is ringing.
Buddy Ackerman's office.
Yes, Julie, he's right here.
Hold on one moment, please.
Cyrus.
Uh, uh, uh, uh.
Cyrus.
Hey.
?? Happy birthday to... ??
What, are you kidding? How could I forget?
The project?
Looks great.
How great?
Like a hundred million bucks great.
How's that sound?
Yeah? Ha ha.
Really.
Well, tell me about it.
Buddy Ackerman's office.
No, Foster. He's out with Cyrus.
Well, you asked for it, you got it.
I'll have him call you right back, Foster.
As soon as he's off. Bye.
Aw, that's great.
Me? Oh, are you kidding?
I got no time. I'm too busy workin' for you.
Yeah, well, ok.
All right.
Well, anything you say.
I'll take care of it.
Uh, foster--
The notes? Yeah, you'll get them by 6:00 tonight.
Guy's working on 'em right now.
Guy? Oh, he is fan-fuckin'-tastic.
He's the best. He's the best I've ever had.
I'm gonna have to start lookin' after my back.
He's comin' up. He's the one to watch. Yeah.
The one movin' up.
Uh-huh.
Ok. Yeah. Bye-bye.
You see?
I'm lookin' out for you.
Listen to me, nobody else,
because I have your best interests at heart.
Do I look that... stupid? Do I look that dumb?
Un-un-unbelievable!
Did you really think that you could pull that on me?
Hey, I told Cyrus about you!
Bullshit!
I never lied about that.
That's bullshit. I told him. He knows who you are.
You lied! You lied to me!
I told you what you wanted to hear.
I told you what you needed to hear.
Bullshit.
You were getting complacent, ungrateful,
complete and total job burnout,
and don't think I didn't notice.
You just didn't give a shit anymore,
draggin' your feet everywhere,
telling everybody you were doing my job,
that you were running the show,
that without you, I was nothing.
Yeah.
People tell me things.
So don't come preaching to me
about your ideas of what's fair.
You're no martyr here. You're no hero.
You're just a fuckin' hypocrite.
You're just like any other punk kid out there
lookin' for a way in,
any way in,
and you need me!
Does that give you the right to belittle people?
To abuse people?
What gives you the right
to treat people like--
Because I earned it!
What, you think someone just handed me this job?
I've handled the phones, I've juggled the bimbos,
I've--I've put up with the tyrants,
the yellers, the screamers.
I've done more than you can even imagine
in that small mind of yours.
I paid my dues.
I didn't spend one year--
And I spent 10!
Damn it, it's my turn to be selfish!
It's my turn.
See, that's the trouble
with your fucking MTV microwave-dinner generation.
You all want it now.
You think you deserve it just because you want it?
It doesn't work like that.
You have to earn it.
You have to take it.
You have to make it yours.
But first, Guy,
you need to decide
what it is you really want.
I want you...
to stop calling me in the middle of the night.
I want you to stop sending me to the fucking office
for your goddamned phone numbers,
for your fucking sunglasses!
I want my life back!
What life?
I gave you life.
Before me, you were nothing.
Before me, you were an ink spot,
and now you're playing in the majors.
I made you.
You will always be Guy
from Buddy Ackerman's office.
You want to go back to your shitty little existence,
go ahead. Leave. There's the door.
No one's stopping you.
You could have left any day, but you stayed.
So let's forget the dudley damn do-right crap,
because out here, it's kill your parents,
fuck your friends, and have a nice day!
And that makes it all right?
That's a load of shit.
I don't make the rules. I play by them.
What, your job is unfair to you?
Grow up. Way it goes.
People use you? Life's unfair?
Grow up. Way it goes.
Your girlfriend doesn't love you?
Tough shit. Way it goes.
Your wife gets raped and shot,
and they leave their unfinished beers...
their...
their stinking longnecks...
just lying there on the gr...
so be it.
Way it goes.
So, now you want to tell me what you really want?
What this is really all about...
What happened to you this evening?
Hello?
Hi, Dawn. It's, uh, Buddy. Hi.
I'm lookin' for Guy. Have you seen him?
No. I haven't seen him in a while, actually.
Aw, that's too bad. Um, listen.
You want to come on over and discuss the project?
You're not really looking for Guy, are you?
Oops. You caught me.
So, what do you say?
I'd say I'm really busy. Sorry.
You forgetting what I taught you? Never apologize.
It's a sign of weakness. Never forgot it.
You know, I can remember the days
when you would have scurried over here
like an eager beaver.
Yeah, well, those days are long gone.
That's why your career has been on hold the past year.
Remember, you got to give action to get action.
Never forgot that. I gotta go, Buddy.
It's Guy, isn't it? What's wrong? Can't see the boss
'cause you're screwing the assistant?
Yeah, that's it. That's it exactly.
Fine. He's no longer the assistant.
Excuse me?
You heard me. He's history. He's gone.
There. Any problems in coming over now?
I am warning you. You leave Guy out of this.
He is not the problem, Buddy.
Well, maybe he is, and maybe he isn't,
but there's really only one way to find out--
Fuck.
Fuckin' men. Fuckin' crazy.
What?!
Dawn? It's Guy.
Oh, h--hey.
Can I come over? I-- I think we need to talk.
Um...
Um, look, n-not-- not tonight, ok?
I--I've got, uh...
a lot of scripts to read and stuff, so, uh...
Can we do this tomorrow?
Oh. uh...
Tomorrow. Y-yeah. Ok.
Talk to me. What is it?
Oh, nothing. I--I...
I just-- I...I wanted to tell you something,
but I guess it can wait till tomorrow.
Ok. Call--call me in the morning, ok?
I will.
Dawn...
What?
I'm really...
I'm really sorry.
Ok.
I love you.
No, wait a minute. R-reconsider what, Buddy?
Uh...what are you gonna do? You gonna fire me?
I have another call. Hello? Hello?
It's still me. Listen. We couldn't return
A lot of calls today because you've been away.
Now, what do you mean, "reconsider--"
Hold on! Fucking phones. Call waiting.
Call conferencing.
Gotta be a rocket scientist to make this thing work.
Hello? Hello?
Buddy.
Well, hi.
Dawn. You win.
Really?
Midnight, right?
Yeah. Just like old times.
Yeah, not even close. Shall I bring anything?
No, not a thing.
Just get your cute butt over here.
I'll leave the key out.
Buddy, Dawn.
Well, hi.
Shall I bring anything?
I'll leave the key out.
Midnight, right?
Yeah. Just like old times.
Midnight, right?
Just get your cute butt over here.
I'll leave the key out.
So we're left with just one thing...
the only thing I know
that drives men to hurt, to want.
This is about a girl, isn't it, Guy?
This is about Dawn.
All this over a chick?
You fool!
Please, just shut up.
Aw, Guy, you disappoint me.
You're gonna have to start thinking
with your head and not your hips.
I gave you everything.
But you weren't satisfied.
You had to have her, too.
Oh, some gift. She's not what you think.
Come on, grow up! You know as well as I do
that a bed is the best friend
a girl like Dawn can have. Be a man!
If you're gonna lose it every time some bim
decides to climb the social ladder,
you're never gonna make it!
Isn't that right, Dawn?
Dawn, honey, so glad you made it on time, darling,
"because you got some 'splanin' to do!"
Buddy, what happened to you?
Guy, what are you doing here?
Oh, don't you think that's a question
that you should be answering?
What?
Oh, Christ. No, Guy,
this is not what you think.
Oh, really? Well, tell us.
What are we supposed to think? Huh?
A young, eager producer
comes up to the house of a top executive
for a midnight rendezvous?
She's right, Guy. It's not what you think.
She's definitely not selling girl scout cookies.
What has happened here?
Oh, stop. Stop with the fuckin' stupid questions!
What do you think has happened?
He's taken me hostage!
He's beaten me, he's tortured me,
and I think you're next, dear.
Guy, this--this is completely insane.
Just put the gun down,
and why don't we talk about this?
What the fuck do you think we've been doin' all night?!
Dear, I don't think
you fully appreciate the situation.
After you get past the "oops, he caught us" stage
and realize we are both fucked, let me know, ok?
Shut up! I've got nothing to do with you.
Aw, I'm hurt.
What happened to standing by your man, Dawn?
n. oh, that's right. you don't stand by your me
you stand on them as you climb up
to get to the next one's bed.
yeah, let me tell you somethin' about dawn here.
she used to be quite the little fuck towel.
fresh film school grad
who fucked her way to top assistant desk,
fucked her way to junior executive,
and then fucked her way to V.P.
It was quite a rise.
Of course, she stopped all that
the day she got her producer deal.
Been 3 years now. Trying to make important films.
Redeeming films.
See, she started to worry about words like
honor, dignity, and respect,
words that a one-time two-bit tramp
could never afford.
How dare you judge me?
Who the hell do you think you are?
Ok, fine. You tell him, then.
What are you doing here? What are you doing here?
Why don't you tell him?!
No, I think it's better
he hears about your past from you.
Shut up!
Both of you...
Shut up.
Guy, you are acting like a child.
You are no better than he is right now.
Me? What about you?
Tell me something.
H-h-how long have you been fucking him?
A couple of years now, actually.
Good years, if you-- shut up!
Guy, I know what this looks like.
It is not what you think. I came here for you.
I came here for us.
You came here for us?
I told him to promote you. The film was getting made.
It's everything you wanted, everything you hoped for.
No.
No, it isn't.
It--it's not what I wanted.
It's not the way it was supposed to be.
I wanted this for us. I--I wanted this for you.
Excuse me. Wait a minute.
You two think you love each other,
and that's the only reason you put up with my shit?
Jesus, that's pathetic. That's about
the most pathetic thing I've ever heard.
I told you to shut up!
Guy, this is what he wants.
Put the gun down.
He has got to pay.
He is not worth it!
Let him do it. Come on, Guy.
You know what you have to do.
Don't you dare give up everything you've worked for.
Come on, boy. Take it.
We can fix this now if you put the gun down.
You know what you have to do.
It's yours, and you know you want it.
If you don't take it, I got no sympathy.
Don't you dare throw everything away.
You have to do it. You want to do it.
Do it! All for nothing?!
Will you stay the fuck out of this?!
I--I am trying to save your life here.
And I am trying to give Guy his.
Listen, baby, he can't fuck his way
through the ranks
nearly as well as you can.
He's gotta kick and fight and scratch his way there.
He doesn't have a choice.
You have nothing to contribute to this,
so stay the fuck out!
Go ahead. Shoot.
I don't care.
Yabba-dabba-doo.
All right, Guy. Come on. Let's finish this.
Give it to me. Show me what you're made of.
Show me what you've learned. Don't let me down, son.
Everything I've taught you comes down to this.
This is the only way that you could hope to survive.
Because life... is not a movie.
Everyone lies.
Good guys lose.
And love...
does not conquer all.
So let's do this thing.
Let's finish it.
I'm sorry.
Do it! Come on! Do it now!
Currently 78 degrees in Hollywood,
and it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
Hey, hey. Look who's the new big man on campus.
Come on in and sit down, Jack.
What? This is unbelievable.
Unbelievable. You have got to be
the youngest executive they've ever had here.
Yeah, well...
"Well," nothin'. You deserve it.
After you saved Buddy
from that crazy chick? Unbelievable.
That's not quite how it happened, Jack.
That's not quite the way it happened?
Shit! This jilted lover holds Buddy hostage,
beats him, tortures him,
and you ride in and save the day.
Oh, above and beyond the call of duty, Guy.
I was delivering some scripts,
and I happened to be there.
You pulled the trigger on her, man!
You are a hero!
You deserve this.
So, you know, do you think that you could
just, you know, pop a good word in there for me, you know?
I mean, my year's almost done here.
Let me tell you something, Jack.
Everyone is gonna want to give you the same advice...
tell you that you have to pay your dues...
ask you to do them a favor.
"Do this for us."
They all want you to play by the rules, Jack.
Their rules.
Well, save that candy-striped shit
for the Wall Street wimps...
because this town is a jungle.
This is your inner city.
These are your mean streets.
And the only interests that you need to protect...
are yours.
And the only needs...
that you have to serve...
are yours.
So the only question
that you need to answer is this--
And think about this, Jack--
What do you really want?
Well...
I have to go to a meeting, Jack, so...
Ok.
You are my God.
Hey, Guy, what do you say we grab some dinner tonight?
I'd like to, Jack...
but I have to wrap some Christmas gifts.